Every relationship you have ever been in has ended or will end; either by death or the natural evolution of the relationship itself. Like any organism, it is natural that relationships grow, evolve, reach their natural zenith and then end and transform into something else. Yet we act as if they should last forever and call ourselves a failure when they don’t. We clutch on to that which is dying and trying to transform.
So the task is not to scratch for permanence, no matter what. The task is to honor the evolution, accept the learning, nurture the love and follow the pleasure whether the truth of the relationship is 5 days or 50 years.
~ Victor Warring, MA
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Present: A thorn in my side, of my own doing

I can’t be the only person in the world who does this, so correct me if I’m wrong…

You all know RR, right? This guy - he’s handsome, successful, funny, sweet and just enough of an asshole to keep things interesting. But, he’s really not that great. He *could* be, I think (and therein lies my undoing), but by all accounts and for all the ways he and I have interacted over the last two months, he’s really not that special. In fact, given some of the things he’s done, he deserves far less thought and attention than I give to him.

The problem is, however, that every so often in my dating regime I start dating one person who for reasons very confusing to me becomes the focus of my loving-self and I get lost in him. Typically this happens with men who are a) handsome, b) great in bed and c) a little rough around the edges (ie: smart and witty but also arrogant and a bit mean). I fall head first and this person becomes the apple of my eye. And so I go on pursuing and pursuing (being very wary of coming on *too* strong) until I burn myself out on him.

This happened before with Bluebeard - it had to be a few years ago. Bluebeard was successful, handsome and a preppy bad boy that made my heart melt. We dated for a few months - the sex was amazing and there was plenty of quality non-sex time spent together - but I was unhealthy fixated on him. He really didn’t warrant that kind of adoration from me (or from anyone really). Seriously, this guy, for all his good qualities was a man who showed up wasted to a date only to continue to drink and embarass himself (and me) at a private dinner, AND, at the end of it all, walk out on the $150 bill without batting an eye. And yet, there I was, tucking him into bed and happy to have someone to snuggle with that night.

And so it is with RR - I’ve pursued and chased and offered myself up on a silver platter only to be halfheartedly acknowledged. And yet every time my phone rings or I get a text my heart leaps for a millisecond with the thought that it might be RR finally making time for me. That maybe he really is super busy and wants to see but simply can’t. That maybe all it takes is a great girl like me to *fix* him and then we can live happily ever after. And what’s worse is that I’m setting myself up for disappointment every time! I *know* that if a man wants to see me he’ll make time for me and that if he doesn’t respond to texts or only responds after 10p, he’s not interested in me - Plain and simple.

And so, my first dating resolution of 2012 is to stop chasing so much and let myself be chased a little more. Now, let’s see if I can stick to it…

48 notes
Source: emotional-algebra
Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.
Louise Erdrich (via emotional-algebra)